There are just some things that I don’t understand. Like how some people just want you to do what suits them. When they know what is at stake. Whether it’s your reputation or just mentality. I think its called selfishness. This disease. That grips our children and makes them monsters. I wonder if they realize it. Those under the influence.
This morning I woke up thinking about love. How some people define it. How I define it. I realized one thing. Love is not all these things that people say it is. Love is just love. Within me. An emotion. Something I feel. It is not life. Life is just life. You live it. Love, you experience. Yesterday, I think for the first time in centuries I allowed myself to feel this love, from myself to myself. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I just could not stop smiling. It was a beautiful feeling. It is a beautiful feeling.
What confuses me though is how other people just have their own definition of what love is and how they try and put those ideas and perceptions into other people’s heads. I don’t get that. Like, what is wrong with just being content with what you feel without having to enforce it on other people? I don’t understand. Like, I understand what love is. I understand what it means to me. I have no qualms with that. I also have no qualms with what you perceive it to be. It works for you. Mine works for me. Why try to change that? I don’t get it.
Again I am shocked yet I really shouldn’t be. In this life people only serve their own interests. They are not looking out for me or anyone else. Just themselves. It is naïve then to look at people and think that they could ever have any other people’s interests at heart except their own. Truth hurts. I guess it is the law of human nature. Look out for number one. At all costs. But in the same token, at what cost? Who should pay the price? Me, you or other people who will be affected some way by the same actions? I don’t understand this law of selfishness. Who becomes a victim then? Who’s the winner? Are there any losers? Do people even care about who gets hurt in the process?
These are the questions I woke up asking myself. I could not find any answers for some of them. I do know that however love is a beautiful thing that one should give to themselves at all times regardless of the situation. It is not wrong to feel love for other human beings. Their selfishness has nothing to do with you. Just don’t get caught up though in their spiteful games because you’ll be stuck answering questions which you have no answers to to begin with. You’ll end up having an unnecessary headache which you could’ve easily avoided.
My quest continues. For self discovery. It’s a journey that I happily travel. I continue to be aware of myself and who I am. I continue to love myself and pat myself on the back for a job well done for every major accomplishment. I continue to acknowledge God in all things. I see Him in myself everyday. This won’t stop. It’s an unending journey of self love. I will not be bothered by other people’s issues. Neither will I conform just to fit in. Especially when I don’t have to. Unnecessary heartache? Why? When you can just easily avoid such situations? I don’t think so.