My dearest friend,
It has been many moons since we last spoke. No fault of yours but that of mine. I decided to walk out of this friendship my friend, not you. It’s not your fault. It really had nothing to do with you but everything to do with me. And this is not another one of those -it’s-not-you-it’s-really-me stories. It’s kinda hard but it really is like that.
On the day that I walked out you did not ask me any questions. You simply told me that you understood me . Though I have this deep feeling that you really didn’t. Perhaps it was the giant in you that allowed you to be like that-the bigger person.
I walked out my friend because I have my own issues to work through. I owe you no excuses. It’s just that at times I think about you. What we had. What it meant. You have to know that in my eyes you are a giant. Massive. I love you, completely. Perhaps that is why I left. My love for you was too intense and I sensed a great danger ahead-Me allowing myself to love that enormously. It’s no fault of yours.
Like I said, I have my own issues which I need to sort out. Issues with myself, issues with the world. My own anger and frustrations. Which really have nothing to do with you. I want to thank you though, for being so big. Allowing me to be myself and do the things that I need to do even when I know it hurt you so much. I feel like I’m on a journey. And this journey is towards a greater deeper healing Spiritually. Perhaps you will find it odd as I never mentioned some of these things to you. Partly it’s respect, partly it’s undermining what we had, not knowing that it’s strong enough to handle whatever is thrown at it. I just feel like I need to be on this journey to be strong . Strong for myself and strong for my son before I allow any other person (s) to be strong for me.
I just feel like I need to love my self enough, understand it and know it fully before I can allow anybody else to know and understand that.
I pray that one day you will understand. I know you will. I know you do.
All my love,
Your (ex) friend