It has been a long while since we last communicated. It is not a fault of yours and neither is it of mine. I think if we were to look at it in terms of faults, who’s right and who’s wrong, it just wouldn’t make sense. Things would be all wrong. I just don’t like that, somehow it doesn’t ring true to me.
Anyway, it’s just that this afternoon I thought of you. Us. Our relationship and I started thinking about the last time I spoke to you. It’s just that my schedule has been busy. So busy that I forgot to take the time to think about you. Talk to you.
You have now become my father and my parent, like you have always been. It’s just that these days I choose to acknowledge that more. Acknowledge you in my life. Feel your presence. Something I have always been claiming has been happening, only because I didn’t want to feel left out at church gatherings over not fully knowing who you are. You know how church folk can be. I’m sorry, that is judgemental of me.
I’m making excuses and dilly-dallying when I really should be telling you truth about how it is that I came to be thinking about you this afternoon. Well, I was looking at my life, where I come from and where I’m going. I started realising something, that I am changing. I am changing. I feel myself become more of the thing that I set out to be in the beggining. The thing I have always been hoping and praying for. The thing which is myself.
It feels good to be more myself. Really doing things that I love and not just procastinating about them. Everyday I feel myself grow. Last I felt like this I think was last year.
Basically what I really want to say is Thank You. Thank you that you continue to look out for me. Thank you for allowing me to open up my mind and think beyond what is ordinary. For giving me the wings to fly. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for allowing me to dream beyond what is ordinary. Thank you for making me achieve my goals and objectives.
Mostly though, I wanna thank you for making me a better person. Like I said, everyday is a new day and everyday I am learning. At times I stumble and fall but what I love though is that these days when I fall, I don’t break down into a million little pieces, I don’t curse. What I do these days is just get up , brush myself off and laugh at myself for falling so hard. These days I look forward to standing up. In an odd way I look forward to falling down- just so I can stand up again. Weird I know.
In any case, I’m sure you understand. I love you. Madly.