Here I am sitting here, listening to the rumblings of my stomach and the aching of my chest. I have just coughed for the millioneth time now. I am feverish. My mouth is dry. I am supposed to be writing the narration for the documentary. The others are in the other lab , editing. Working their bums off. Here I am. Contemplating starting with my overdue research assisgnment.
I can’t though. Too many thoughts are in my head. A friend just called me confused. Me ? Confused? How? Well I would give you the low down on how that began except I lack the energy. I am not confused.
I’m hungry. I’m sweaty and out of ideas. I need a break. Food. Drink. Fruit. I need Love. Proper Love. The kind I got from my man this weekend 🙂 , I need more.
He says I’m confused coz I didn’t bring back a machine that my man left with about a month ago. My argument is and will be that I did not go there for the machine. In fact I went to see my man for my own personal reasons. Machines are not personal for me. I was not there when they had an agreement to exchange machines and what nots. So why am I being included now? Did he give me money to go see my man? No. Did he ask me to bring it back with me when I come back? No. Did my man give me the machine to bring back? No. So how come he calls me confused? I am not confused.
I’m hungry. I’m hungry for success , food and love. I’m hungry to finish up on all my assignments while making sure that I pass and making sure I ensure a good future for my family. My family. My community. How is that confused?
I am not confused. I’m hungry. Hungry for knowledge. Lacking words that lead me closer to unlocking the it thing to the Unspoken.
I’m not confused. I’m hungry. I need a spliff, a huge zol to calm me down.
I’m not confused I’m hungry to be free. So he said it. I looked at him as he looked at me as though he would punch me any moment. I turned on my fake All Star and walked in the sun. The heat bearing down on me as I wear yesterday’s jacket covered in a muffling warm winter scalve. Too hot to take anything off. Too embarassed of the torn shirt I will show should I take it off.
I’m hungry to get there. I’m not confused. Confused to me resembles mad. Which I am not. Crazy, Creative, Artistic, OutSpoken, InLove. These all describe me, not confused.
Anyway, I’m hungry, I think I better go eat.