The first thing that you need to look at is that every new experience is brand new until you start filtering it through your historical belief system. Most people run from perceived potential pain and move towards potential safety and security. You are because of your fear of possible pain constantly “calling in” historical thoughts and feelings that have nothing to do with whatever you are busy with at any given moment. You as such paint your current moment with all its potential with dread and fear. Your fear thus becomes self-fulfilling prophecies that usually show up and spoil your day. It is thus not the current event that is causing the damage and pain, but the old and outdated experiences that you re-activate that became your mental prison guard.
My dear friend you are not broken and there is nothing wrong with you. The only thing that needs readjustment is your focus. Nothing that happened in the past can impact on you until you re-activate it by comparing the current circumstance or person to something that happened in the past. You are thus allowing your thoughts and feeling to run your life where it should be the other way around. You are the boss and controller and should not remain a victim or what happened historically. You “automatically” allow your fears and historical pain to come alive and spoil whatever you are busy with. Can you think how your life will change if you could PAUSE for a moment and answer the following question before you “trigger” the old rubbish in your head? I say it is rubbish because without your “trigger” whatever happened historically will remain dormant in your mind. It is your inability to look at every moment on merit that is hampering your happiness and success.
You are the creator of your own life and you do it ONE MOMENT at a time. What you think every MOMENT becomes your future. That is why you have so many repeat setbacks etc. in your life. You attract the wrong people and circumstances into your life. I give each moment my best shot. I sometimes win and many times come out second best. I learn from my experiences and in the process get stronger and more confident.
You make it impossible for yourself to grow (sing, write, perform) because you are afraid to fail. It is our fear of failure and pain that put our growth potential on hold. I am an inventor and fail many times before my inventions reach a stage of perfection. I will never forget how my first book that I wrote failed. It was so pathetic that nobody even attempted to steal a copy at the CNA. I today have many books I wrote and an endless rage of papers that I produced on a wide range of subjects. I did not see my initial failure as the end of the road, but learned from the experience and tried again … and again until I achieved success.
We experience failures and setback not because God hate us or because we are useless. We experience failures because we are learning machines. It no big deal when you fail or when a relationship goes bad on you. All you do is get up, dust yourself off and get back in the game of life. Stop personalising things. You are a perfect spiritual being at earth school my friend. You are not the software in your head that remind you of historical pain and failures. You are on this plane to learn and grow. Nobody get thing right all the time. The biggest successful individuals that you read about in the news failed many times. I love it when I fail because I then know that there is still some adjustments that need to be made.
My friend if you want to sing then go for it. If you wait to paint or do anything else go for it in a big way. Don’t worry about the potential pain that you might experience. You forget that you are already experiencing the doubt and pain and can as such not make it worse even if you tried.
Please feel free to write to me again if I can assist you in any way!